Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
