we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
