Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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