He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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