Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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