YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
