he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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