Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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