I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
