When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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