hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am naked and annoyed.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
