Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
