I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
