New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
