i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
