The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
