yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
