I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
