barbara walters just said penis...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
