Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
