exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
