please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
