i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
