Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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