I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
