Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
