I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
