I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
