also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
