just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
