Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
