Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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