oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
