the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
