My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
