i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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