im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Houston, we have a blender
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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