well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
