I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
