Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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