I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
