I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
