Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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