I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
