I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
And then he peed in my hair
I did not marry a roomba.
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