my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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