There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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