Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my shit smells like andre
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
