too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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