batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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