i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
