Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
